I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Dick very happy bro
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
