You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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