I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.