final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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