Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
