I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
