just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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