i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
