Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
