I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
