Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
