It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
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