I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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