508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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