It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
