you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
