i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
are you so shy because you have an std?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
