My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
