I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
