what day is it and did you see me today?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
