hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
