11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
