Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers