Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
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Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
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He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
A+ Viking dick