Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Can I color on your dick again?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
