I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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