I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana