Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My Sexting was not on an AP level