Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
