He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
