It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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