You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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