This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
