fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
