addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
