maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
