He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
