sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
