Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
