Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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