My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
