Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Where did you get a picture of my penis
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
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So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
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If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize