I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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