Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
