How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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