I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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