I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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