I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
