Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize