Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
