Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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