i would punch a child for taco bell
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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