I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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