So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i dont even know how to be here
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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