Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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