I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
