so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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