don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
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I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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