Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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