Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
