My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
