Whatcha textin bout Willis?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
