No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
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I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
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Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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