i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
