So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
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Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
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if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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