Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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