honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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