In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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