break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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