I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
