I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
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I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Go christen that room with your naked body.