Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
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I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
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The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van