I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep