We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!