I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?