how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
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I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
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Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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