just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
