Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
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