No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
